Welcome to The Educating Parent Beverley Paine's archive of articles about homeschooling and unschooling written over a period of 30 plus years

HomeAbout Blog Articles Curriculum Resource Directory Shop Facebook

Download our FREE The Educating Parent Resource Directories today! Plus... more FREE resources!

Free download a quick guide to getting started with homeschooling and unschooling by Beverley Paine The Educating Parent in this excellent Resource Directory

 

Free directory of Australian homeschooling and unschooling support groups organised by national, state and territories

 
Plan, record and report all in the one document! Always Learning Books planners available in each year level to suit your homeschooling needs, includes curriculum checklists
Let Beverley and friends help you design and write your own curriculum to suit your child's individual learning needs, learn how to prepare lessons, unit studies and more, record and evaluate your children's learning in this series of 3 parent workbooks developed on Beverley's popular homeschool manual Getting Started with Home School Practical Considerations
this Always Learning Year 7 Plan is everything you need to get started a comprehensive collection of curriculum aligned resources and links to activities, lesson plans and unit studies for your year 7 homeschooling student
Introduction to
Home Education
  National and State
Support Groups
  Yearly Planner, Diary & Report Series of How To
Parent Workbooks
Homeschool Learning Plans

Support Groups: National SA VIC NSW QLD TAS ACT NT
Registration Guides: VIC NSW QLD SA WA TAS ACT NT

Looking for support, reassurance and information?
Join Beverley's The Educating Parents Homeschooling and Unschooling Facebook online group.

 

My Teen Doesn't Respect Me!

by Beverley Paine, Aut 2012

One of the mums on my Homeschool Australia support group commented that she had expected home educating her son would bring them closer together but now that his is thirteen years old he seems to have lost all respect for her. This is immensely stressful for any parent to experience, but as home educators we generally feel insecure and constantly doubt and worry that we're doing the right thing by our children.

When talking about teenagers I find it helpful to know specifically how old the young person is because it makes such a huge difference. For us, every year is pretty much the same as the last, but for children, every year is huge - there is so much growth and development, particularly in understanding and ability. It takes years before children can fully grasp the concept of years and age. To most children thirty is old! A year in the life of a child takes, well it takes a year. A year in our life, by comparison, feels like a few weeks, a couple of months at best, has passed!

Add this complex mix of growth, understanding and development a cocktail of rampaging hormones and sudden unpredictable bursts of growth once adolescence hits and well... It is a tricky time for parents and a confusing time for teens.

As a thirteen year old I suddenly realised what 'responsibility' meant and hated the thought of growing up. I clung to my dolls and my pretend games and stories. At fourteen I was dressing like a grown up and looked like one too - much to my parents' dismay! When my daughter was seventeen she wanted to leave home but later confided that she was glad that she hadn't and waited until she was nineteen: two years made a huge difference in her life. We often forget that children and young people experience time differently to us and that what they pack into one year is tremendous.

My friend said that her son had become "sullen and lazy and apathetic, but then joyous, helpful and thoughtful", with no reason for his sudden moodiness or mood swings. To top it off he'd begun to fight with his siblings! That sounded very familiar to me, both remembering my own childhood and that of my children.

Without knowing more, what she describes sounds a lot like the influence of hormones. Remember when hormones took control of your life at around about that age? If you can't, ask your mother! Luckily I could remember and that made me a little bit more sensitive when my children hit their teens.

Moodiness and sudden mood changes are fairly typical reactions to hormonal changes. Because hormones are chemicals, anything we ingest or encounter can trigger reactions. Although the onset of this is acute in adolescence it can occur at any age, especially for sensitive people.

We are much more forgiving of toddlers being 'reactive'. We readily but reluctantly accept that over-stimulation leads to over-tiredness which leads to crankiness which leads to full-blown tantrums. We 'tune in' and become sensitive to their needs and learn to act to meet those needs quickly. With teens we've become accustomed to our children meeting a lot of their own needs and this is one reason why puberty and adolescence can catch us unawares!

My first priority would be to start looking for and using anything that helps, as much as possible, to balance those hormonal swings.

Physical exercise is a must. That's easy for most boys, but at the very least a daily walk will help: if you have to go with him to help motivate him that's a small price to pay. Typically in the thirteenth and fourteenth years a lot of boys need to do 'manly' work: this ties in with their growing sense of responsibility and work ethic. Mowing the lawn doesn't cut it though - they need to physically use their muscles and like to 'show off' doing so! Can you think of any building jobs? Do you need or could you use a potting bench, any DIY gardening or landscaping jobs that need attention, trenches dug, etc? Working on cars is also physically and intellectually demanding. An old wreck to pull apart could do wonders if he's mechanically minded. Don't worry about him putting it back together or what he is learning. It primary purpose is to meet his physical needs.

My lads were very much into LEGO and computers, but at this age really needed to use their muscles and wanted to 'show off' to their mum just how 'manly' they were: they suddenly got very interested in all kinds of landscaping and building jobs, chopping word, carrying heavy things, as well as doing all sorts of 'fixing' jobs around the house! Luckily their dad is a DIY, but if you don't have that luxury, look around in the community. Is there a Community Men's Shed he could help out at? Resources such as the Readers' Digest DIY manuals or 'how to' articles on the internet can supply instructions on most things. Forums are great for finding answers: our youngest son taught himself all manner of things by asking questions on forums.

I personally use zinc supplements and find they help to stabilize mood swings, along with fish oil capsules. Check to make sure there is enough zinc in your teen's daily diet (food sources are always better than supplements).

And don't forget sleep: teens need a lot more sleep than they think they do. Most won't go to bed at 10pm - a sensible time - and if they do, access to the internet will keep them awake anyway. Luckily, as home educators, we have the luxury of letting them sleep in. Twelve hours of sleep a night is not uncommon for teens not restricted by school hours. And it isn't unhealthy, the opposite in fact. Sleeping in isn't an excuse to avoid personal and family chores though! Teens, like children, need boundaries within which they feel secure and confident and which help them develop and protect their emerging identities and self-esteem.

Young people this age need privacy, much more than they've wanted or asked for before. You may need to protect this fiercely to maintain his respect and to show your support for his personal development. Protecting our teens from their younger siblings isn't always easy but it is important. Again, I remember what it was like to have a younger (pesky) brother when I was that age. I had moved on into another world he didn't understand and he badgered me constantly and sometimes cruelly. Mum was on his side. As a result I grew away from both of them. Everyone has the right to work or play undisturbed if they want or need to. We must guard against our tendency to use our older children as child-minders for our younger children when we are busy and don't want to attend to the needs of the younger ones. It's too easy to fall into the habit of doing that and sets the children against each other, particularly as they age.

Teens do a lot of thinking. They need time to do this thinking, and this usually means on their own. We call it day dreaming, but it is mostly them processing all the conflicting thoughts and experiences that bombard them every day. They are becoming 'aware' of the world and they are beginning to place themselves as an entity within it. They are finalising the creation of the identity that started in their infancy... This is demanding and hard work. They suddenly find themselves at odds with the values of those around them. I like to think of this is the second phase of separation anxiety we came to terms with during their toddler years. Teens often feel guilty and confused that they don't always agree with their parents but they know that they are right - and they are: each generation carves its own place and space in history. They don't want to be contrary, but they can't help it.

We're older, wiser and we've lived through this stage. Our memories help us have compassion for our teenage children. They need guidance and they need mentors and they need people to help them find resources and point out pathways that might be useful to them.

Thirteen and fourteen are fantastic awesome ages! We can help our children enjoy them, but it isn't always going to be easy.

Was this article helpful? Was it worth $1.00 to you? Your gift of $1 or more helps to keep this site operating offering encouragement and reassurance to families wanting better outcomes for their children.

Thank you for your gift contribution!

Beverley Paine with her children, and their home educated children, relaxing at home.

Together with the support of my family, my aim is to help parents educate their children in stress-free, nurturing environments. In addition to building and maintaing this website, I continue to create and manage local and national home educating networks, help to organise conferences and camps, as well as write for, edit and produce newsletters, resource directories and magazines. I am an active supporter of national, state, regional and local home education groups.

"You've been an inspiration to me, I love the way
you really listen to people."
Vanessa

"Whenever I read your writing I always come away
with increased confidence in my ability to provide and
share a wonderful learning journey with my family!"
Davina

"Your guidance, understanding, support and words of
wisdom changed our lives. We now offer support and
organise many homeschooling events for others."
Lesley

"Thank you once again for your prompt and friendly service.
I am convinced that your books are going to add
quality and peace of mind to my journey of teaching my kids
at home! Just from studying your website, until almost
2am in the morning, I 've been encouraged!"
Louisa

"Thank you for all your many,many reassuring words
over many, many years. You probably don't know exactly how valuable you are to the Australian Home Education community. I've been reading your stuff for maybe 8 years or more now. And I'm very grateful."
Gythaa

image is 3 workbooks for parents set on a background showing bushland, DIY home ed curriculum planning, recording, evaluating, write your own curriculum
Want to learn how to write your own education plans
to suit your unique children's individual learning needs?

Or you are looking for quality curriculum and teaching tips...

Comprehensive 3 workbook 'how to home ed' course
covering the essential skills you need
successfully home educate your children


 

 

Welcome to the World of Home Education
and Learning without School!

We began educating our children in 1985, when our eldest was five. In truth, we had helped them learn what they need to learn since they were born. I am a passionate advocate of allowing children to learn unhindered by unnecessary stress and competition, meeting developmental needs in ways that suit their individual learning styles and preferences. Ours was a homeschooling, unschooling and natural learning family! There are hundreds of articles on this site to help you build confidence as a home educating family. We hope that your home educating adventure is as satisfying as ours was! Beverley Paine

3 ESSENTIAL STEP BY STEP GUIDES

Getting Started with
Home Educating Series of

PARENT WORKBOOKS

#1 Create Your
Own Curriculum

#2 DIY Lesson Plans
& Unit Studies

#3 Recording and Evaluation Made Simple

$10.00 each (includes postage)

let experienced home educators Beverley, Tamara and April walk you through HOW to create a learning plan that builds on solid foundations that works for YOUR family AND ticks all the boxes for home educaton registration with part 1 of this getting started with home educating serioes of parent workbooks, Create Your Own Curriculum!
Let experienced home educators Beverley, Tamara and April walk you through HOW to create a learning plan that builds on solid foundations that works for YOUR family AND ticks all the boxes for home educaton registration!

To see the full range of Beverley Paine's books on homeschooling, unschooling and natural learning visit Always Learning Books

Tap into Beverley's experience
through her books

"Your books, your blogs helped me beyond words... they helped me to find comfort in knowing it is ok to choose exactly what is best for my family." Nisha

"Your books and information are mind blowing and already I am feeling good about this new experience." Diane

"Your guidance, understanding, support & words of wisdom changed our lives." Leslie

"I feel specially inspired by Beverley's words and, the more I read her comments, the more inspired I feel, since my need for support, respect for different parenting styles, and information are fully met." Marijo
purchase Beverley's practical and common sense books on homeschooling and unschooling
Connect with Beverley and ask questions
through her online The Educating Parents Homeschooling and Unschooling Facebook support group
.

click here to become a Fearless Homeschool member giving you access to all past summit workshops as well as exciting new content and webinars, online discussion platform, and more

The information on this website is of a general nature only and is not intended as personal or professional advice. This site merges and incorporates 'Homeschool Australia' and 'Unschool Australia'.

The Educating Parent acknowledges the Traditional Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Owners, the Custodians of Australia, and pay our respects to Elders past and present and extend that respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people viewing this website.

Advertise on this site.

say goodbye to home education registration stress with this ultimate rego bundle from Fearless Homeschool

make homeschooling a lot easier, zero to homeschool's excellent course is here to help

Australia's best home education consultant, let Tamara Kidd guide and help you prepare your home education registration application or review

Twinkl downloadable Home education resources helping you teach confidently at home

Online science lessons for primary school aged home educating children

Home education is a legal alternative
to school education in Australia.
State and Territory governments are responsible
for regulating home education and have different
requirements, however home educating families
are able to develop curriculum and learning programs
to suit the individual needs of their children.

animated Australian flag

Without revenue from advertising
by educational suppliers and Google Ads
we could not continue to provide information
to home educators. Please support us by letting
our advertisers know that you found them on
The Educating Parent. Thanks!

Support Centre
Contact Us | Join a Support Group | Beverley's Books | Resource Directory | Blog | Donate

About The Educating Parent
Beverley Paine | April Jermey and Always Learning Books | Advertise with us

Sitemap

What is Home Education Why Home Educate Getting Started & Registering Different Ways to Home Educate
Life as a Home Educator Resources & Support Teens and Beyond Curriculum and Teaching Tips
Unschooling & Natural Learning Travelling & Home Educating Record Keeping Children's Pages

animated smiling face Thank you for visiting!

The opinions and articles included on this website are not necessarily those of Beverley Paine, The Educating Parent, nor do they endorse or recommend products listed in contributed articles, pages, or advertisements on pages within this website.
Disclosure: Affiliate links are used on this site that take you to products or services outside of this site.  Please review products and services completely prior to purchasing through these links. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer, provider or party in question before purchasing or signing up. Always Learning Books, April Jermey assume no responsibility for those purchases or returns of products or services as a result of using these affiliate links.

If you have questions, concerns, or suggestions about this site, please feel free to contact us.


Text and images on this site © All Rights Reserved 1999-2024.